As I type, I'm staring outside my window at the snow that has started falling. It wasn't supposed to snow until next week. I'm feeling more Crosbian than normal this morning, so I'll err on the side of sentimentality and call it a Christmas miracle.
My coffee is cold, making the sharp, bitter flavor stick to my tongue. It's my second cup, which is usually a combination of the last inch of the first cup and a little half and half. The second is never as good as the first. All coffee drinkers know the second-cup principle, but we keep pouring anyway. What can I say, we are a nation of filthy addicts.
As I look out the window and into 2020, yeah, I have new music and videos, but who cares? It's 2020, and there are a million reasons not to make music. "There's no money in it," "you're just not good enough," "the market is saturated," "it's a pipe-dream," "it's not a real job," "you're too old," "you had kids too young," "you live in Montana," blah, blah, blah. . . there's always a reason to not do something, and there will always be more haters. If you think that's too pessimistic, just wait a few years. You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
Earlier this year, a close friend told me I needed to adopt the motto NFG. I didn't know what that stood for, and he knew it. It was a classic tease. "No fucks given," he said, "That's your new motto." I knew he was right. For far too long, I've cared too much about what people who don't know me or care to think about me. Can anyone else relate?
I still care about making music, and I have paid the price for it. I obsess about it. I eat, breathe, and sleep making music. I've tried to curb the appetite and kill the beast of burden, but I guess when God handed out this life, it came as a package deal with the blessing or the curse of music. Sound dramatic? It should because it has been.
I am going to try to be more open about the process and where I am at in it, and that means it's probably going to get bloody and crass at times. There will be nudity. Hell, I may get ignorant, and I will be wrong a lot, but this ship's going to sail, one way or another.
For some fans, family, and friends, this may be a good time to check out for good. I will disappoint you if I haven't already. Not on purpose, but I am tired of living with too many filters. I am this - me. I am also this - me. Get used to it. I am.
So, no fucks given from here on out.
If nothing else, this blog will single-handedly ensure my future candidacy for president will never take place. The nudity alone will take care of that ;)
This is reinvention and discovery. I'm shedding skin this year. I'm going to do my best to own my mistakes, celebrate the wins, and share the losses. I am pouring a second cup, despite the second-cup principle. Actually, screw a shitty second cup. I'm making a fresh pot.
There's only one life.
May we get all we need and give all we can.
Love you. Merry Christmas and #NFG